Coming to terms with mental health issues


Sorry to hear about all this Christo. i’ve had a rough time as well since losing my home and business. but i don’t want to burden you with my problems as well, i sympathise with, and understand many things you’ve gone through.

You say talking with your family might be the biggest hurdle to overcome, that depends on your family. if they’re the compassionate, understanding, and loving kind then the hardest part to overcome will be the hurdle you put up in your own mind.
If your family truly cares about you then you have nothing to fear except your own initial fear.

Mums are usually very sympathetic and caring, speak to her first before sitting everyone down. or somebody else if you feel more comfortable. having at least 1 person who already knows what’s going on and can stand with you so to speak will make things easier.

Not much else i can offer you mate, except i hope this is all behind you very soon.

Stay strong buddy!



I can only share my experiences and hope they provide a decent outline for you.

Like so many of us I suffered from anxiety, mostly as a teenager. The hardest part was figuring out how to tell my folks. I was pretty young so I didn’t have a partner at the time.

I’m a big believer in talk therapy even if you aren’t suffering from anxiety! Everybody needs a chance to voice their feelings in a safe space with a professional “listener” whether that’s a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist.

It may be the case that your anxiety is totally connected to this particular module and once you resolve that issue it will go away. But if it isn’t that simple that’s okay too. I went for yeara without having a panic attack before having one my final year of law school. It led to my then-partner driving me to a doctor because I was too scared to drive myself.

I don’t necessarily think medication is a bad thing but everyone is different, everyone needs different treatment and I think despite how much we know about the human body there is still so much we don’t know about the human mind. So don’t get discouraged if you look into treatment and it takes some tinkering to get it right.

As far as telling your girlfriend, it’s a very difficult thing to do. It would be ideal if she took it in stride and was supportive and all that, but as someone else up the thread pointed out she may have her own issues as well that she hasn’t voiced. I found that patience and communication are really key. Hopefully you guys can find a balance that is comfortable and healthy for everyone.

Like everyone else here I hope you find yourself moving on a positive path. And remember, healing mental health issues is never linear, there will be set backs Diaby-style but that’s okay. And if you ever want more insight on the pharmaceutical end of things you can always PM me.



Hi Cristo.

Firstly I take my hat of to you for sharing your experiences and feelings. It is something you have to do, even how hard and painful it may be at first. Or it can even give you more anxiety!

Secondly your story is like reading about myself. I’ve been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks for over 15 years. They come and go in strength, but the important thing is to work with it, never give up. Seek all the help you can get from family, friends and most of all professionals. You will be amazed to find out how many have or are going through the same thing and are willing to help. And its absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

When I was 20 it struck me like lightning. All these emotions and feelings in combination with panic attacks and I didn’t know what hit me. I had a good family, many friends and I was successful in both football and music. The future was very bright and easy for me then, to say the least! But a injury smashed my world and I went through surgery. I was forced to rest from all sports for 12 months and told my arm wouldn’t regain full strength. Obviously I couldn’t play the drums or other instruments either during my recovery. I was forced to turn away all contract offers from other clubs and I went into a deep depression. For a long time just leaving my home caused a panic attack! With support from my family I finally started to open up and seek help.

Most important is learning what triggers it for you, this is often very individual. Speaking of myself the underlying reasons were feelings of insecureness combined with a lot of moving as a kid, from country to country. And not really “fitting in” anywhere. Even today people can ask me where I’m from and I can give them at least 4 answers. All of these feelings that I hadn’t dealt with surfaced when my life did a complete 180! Which is very typical.

Regarding your gf I understand your fears. But if you are planning a future together honesty is vital. But most importantly, you have to be honest to yourself! Should she for some reason get cold feet (which I doubt) then maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Because if she isn’t prepared to help and support you through this, then there’s not much to build on. A partner is the one you choose to trust and who you always should be there for.

I told my wife a couple of months after we started dating. Now we’ve been together for 10 years, have two kids (third on its way) and because of her I finally managed to really face my anxiety. Sure it is tough sometimes, because she has her own fears and worries too (like all people) and of course i do my best to support her then. So a life partner can either be a massive support for you, or sadly the complete opposite. But don’t be afraid of telling her, because if you pretend that something isn’t wrong, your also letting yourself down. If she’s has any humanity in her she’ll really appreciate you letting her in.

Sorry for the long text Cristo and if I don’t make any sense :slight_smile: Telling someone about your problems is the first step and remember there’s nothing wrong with you. Panic attacks and anxiety is something 35-40% of the people in the western world experience once or more in their lifetime. 8-10% of all grown ups experience it on a weekly basis. The majority of these people are intelligent and have a creative mind. The key is to learn a way to control it by support and professional help. Like someone said in another reply, your going to learn so much about yourself!

So I understand what your going through and I really appreciate you telling your story. If you have any questions or thoughts you need to get out of your system, please feel free to PM me. I’ll try to help in any way I can :slight_smile:

Take care!


@Cristo my childhood was through the 70s so I’m a pretty messed up individual. Still with all the bollocks we spout on this forum and the amount of crap we give each other we are also supportive and caring. I love the fact that we can have arguments, disagreements yet still respect how others may feel - I sincerely hope that life starts to make things easier for you. Sending positive vibes :facepunch:t5: !?


Hey man, how did you go with everything?


Better thanks! Was gonna update soon.

Went back to my parents on Thursday, saw the doctor on Friday and he diagnosed with acute anxiety and panic attacks. He then referred me to a psychologist that I’m seeing on Monday!

So hopefully should be getting to grips with it all very soon :blush: Felt good to deal with it but I was quite nervous as well.


That’s awesome news man! Hope it all goes well for you. Don’t want to get involved in your personal life too much bro but if I can give you any advice from my experiences with what you’ve described, if they do try to put you on some sort of meds, do some research into them and their side effects etc, as some do more harm than good.

Best of luck mate.


Cheers, yeah the doctor didn’t think I needed meds just yet and I started out by saying I wanted to try and do it without meds because I think that’s a whole other level.


Is Strategic Management Accounting the one you’re having problems with? I took this Bsc but that was 16 years ago. Lecturer’s are notoriously bad at explaining things in my experience. From what I remember (and I haven’t touched it since) the maths in the formulas isn’t that high level, if you passed your Maths GCSE you have the skills to pass it. Some people like my fiance have a maths phobia though, they find it . With anything maths related you need to break it down into simple stages for each formula. Do countless examples over and over again. if you want any help you can pm me, but I haven’t touched it in 16 years so you’d be better finding an able class mate or employ a tutor. A n abletutor definitely would be the best way to go.

You’re only 26 mate, you’ll have ups and downs in life. Try to put things in perspective. Even if you do fail, know great people have come back from worse setbacks. And you haven’t failed yet, you can still pull it off

Think about the good things you have in your life. You have healthy parents, a girlfriend, youth and your health. When you’re stressed and worrying, it’s adrenaline/cortisol for flight or fight, not very useful for thoughtful decisions. Go for a walk or jog or swim and try take up regular exercise. It’ll relieve any stress and give you a sense of achievement and euphoria.


Then you have a good doctor. Most in my experience will simply dole out some SSRI’s and cross their fingers.

Whereas a healthy lifestyle will cure most people of their depression/anxiety.


Cristo, one of my best friends had a very similar experience to yours. Insyead of bullying it was his dads death when he was only 2 years old that is the underlying issue. We’ve had hours and hours of discussions about it, and I would never want to advise someone for or against taking meds to help their depression or anxiety. However I would just suggest you do as much research as possible before ever going on a prescription. My wife has a masters degree in psychology and she is strongly against medication for a lot of different reasons. My friend felt the need to go on the meds and it changed him as a person and actually made his panic attacks worse as a result. I can only share my personal experience and I’m sure medication helps some people, however like I said just be as educated as you can on the subject before making a decision. Out here in thr US it’s common for doctors to prescribe medicine because they can get patients in and out of the office quicker. More patients they see more money for them. Instead of actually taking the time with people and giving them the care they need. Just be wary of that brother. As for my friend he took himself off the meds and is now in much better condition, back to himself actually.

Edit: I just read Jules post above and he’s spot on.

Oh and one more thing regarding your grades. In the US no employer is ever going to pull up your transcripts. I can’t speak for Europe but whether you get a D and pass or get an A it’s not going to matter in the long run. Just eek by and move on bro :swimmer:


Still coming to terms as to how this lad could be under mental distress.


Yeah I know, things could be a lot worse for me, objectively I can see how fortunate and privileged I am as well.

Sometimes I think that kind of adds to it though, like “I’ve got a lot of things going for me, so much more than a hell of a lot of other people, and I still have the bad graces to feel like shit?”. Apples and oranges though, it’s all relative and just because I’m a middle class white guy doesn’t invalidate my issues and problems, I just have to remember that.

And yeah SMA, it’s all the learning curves, variance analysis, transfer pricing, Activites Based Costing etc. Just throws my mind through a fucking loop for some reason.


Saw the psychologist today and that was a real help.

She told me I’m way too hard on myself and need to stop comparing my own CV and achievements to those of my friends, and to be more flexible in the choices I make regarding my career and not focussing so much on getting my dream job right from the get go. Less multi-tasking too, which is something I’m really bad for. Important just to let your brain relax and focus on one thing at a time.

She also said it was pretty impressive I hadn’t cracked until now given my background. As an only child (no siblings) who moved country/school about 10 times who was about 2 years younger than everyone else in my year/grade and was physically bullied to a very bad extent she was pretty surprised I’d lasted this long, so it was pretty understandable now that given a re-sit in a subject I’m really bad at, combined with a dissertation deadline and an increasingly cutthroat and competitive job-market that I was beginning to struggle.

I’m on the right track though! She’s written me a letter where she recommends the university that I be allowed to switch out my module for my own sake and health so hopefully that helps. Will definitely be seeing her again, very good to talk about these things.

Thanks again for all the support and kind words people! It means a great deal even if it doesn’t seem like it.


That’s great to hear Cristo. The letter should sort out the module issue with your university too, I’d be astounded if it didn’t.


If you need something to cheer you up in the future I think (re-)watching the Handball Olympic final should do the trick :slight_smile: Danish pride must be going through the roof.


I wasn’t sure if this was the right place to post this or if I should have created a new thread, I think here just seemed more appropriate. Please inform me if I was wrong.

Again, it’s Monday morning and I didn’t go to work, for which I will repeatedly torture myself for letting the team down, etc. I’ve recently moved to Melbourne from the other side of Australia with the “missus” (we aren’t married… but might aswell be) and have been working for a company for a few months who are great. Unfortunately about a month ago I got really depressed and took a week off work because I just couldn’t face it and/or them. I’m 30 next year, and I feel like I’m a fucking child again that doesn’t want to go to school or some shit. Adulting shouldn’t be this difficult, but I am really struggling. My new boss has been very supportive since I informed him of my “mental health issues” even though it basically involves giving me some time off. Since then, I feel as though sometimes my coworkers feel that they are walking on eggshells around me, they needn’t however. But I can completely understand why they feel that way. I’m far from social, don’t like most people, but when it comes to work I can put on a front that shows the complete opposite. The depression has been there for years, and was diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago. A bit like @Cristo, I need somewhere to vent and I don’t think my psych is going to be able to handle it. So, there will be some shit dribbled and perhaps even some controversial opinions, but please sling as much shit as you feel is necessary.

Like I said, I didn’t go to work today, again. I just can grasp the concept of having to work 5 days a week and then have 2 days off. And it’s really been pissing me off lately. To clarify, I don’t agree with it. Now, most people tell me “well you have to work if you want to be able to afford all those nice things”, which is a fair statement, which lead me to one conclusion; the problem lies hither -> $/£/€/¢. I could get all extremist and start posting TZM articles etc but I’m sure most of you are smart enough to know what I am talking about and can read between the lines. I’m not like full anti-Government but fuck, what an abortion of a lifestyle we have to live in todays society. Something big needs to change, and it’s going to take something even bigger to make that happen, whether that be WW3, fucking aliens, some kind of fucked up pandemic, I don’t know. TBH, I’d rather see it happen sooner rather than later.

I don’t trust many people, which seems a bit contradictory posting this on here, but it’s true and I’ve taken a far more “fuck it” approach to things recently. I’ve accept the notion that I’ve got bipolar, I think I just get sad sometimes but I am no expert. I have been seeing a new psych since moving here which is helping. The missus has been really supportive too, I couldn’t have asked for a better partner. She has suggested I find a job that I like, which will involve completing some courses in something I would consider to be enjoyable. Maybe even set up a small business. I hate the fact that that it’s all about money. Am I being completely unrealistic and/or is there something wrong with my fucking programming? Money never used to phase me that much, I’ve always been financially comfortable, but I think since we decided to build a house and look at a negative 6-figure amount every month is starting to bother me. It’s bizarre how someone just pays for your house, takes most of what you earn for most of your life, and then you get to have a little bit of what is left. Until you die. I’ve heard 99% of people on this earth own 1% of the worlds money, the 1% has the rest. I don’t know if this is true, or if the figures are different, but it wouldn’t fucking surprise me in the slightest. And it sickens me. I refuse to live like that.

I’m off to play some Fifa 14 World Cup Ultimate Team. Fucking EA.


I can neither relate to being bipolar nor the complaint about 5 days working.

What I can relate to is the financial stress resulting in lack of efforts at work.
Till 2 years ago, my salary was enough for my needs and some more; but with increased responsibilities & expenditure, my salary was not enough so much so I had to take personal loan to sustain a bit.
In last 2 years, I have been so pissed off at work that several times I just sat there & did nothing. Even refused to work a few times because I felt underpaid(I was).
Being Professional is a difficult task when a financial crisis lingers on your mind all the time. Having no savings at the end of the month is disheartening.

The stress, the feeling of being a loser showed on my face, my health, my mannerism, my outlook to life and even my posting on this forum.

It all changed with recent job change where I got 100% hike in salary which has sorted everything and I am back to feeling excited about my job.

I recommend changing jobs and don’t disclose being mentally depressed unless necessary. As you have observed, people then tiptoe around you.

Once life is affordable, your mind wont find you reasons to get demotivated. I bet once negative figures go away, you would make sense of 5 day working as well.


Once again this is the issue my friend had. Depression and being bi-polar. It sounds a lot like what you are going through because he also took time off work to figure things out. However he took advantage of the personal leave and was eventually let go, so just be careful with that.

It’s really hard for me to comment because I don’t feel the same way you do, and I think Trion makes a good point. A lot of it has to do with how much you like your job and how much you get paid. That might change your outlook. It’s so interesting because my friend made a lot of the same comments to me about working 5 days a week not being natural etc, in fact one day he sent me and a bunch of friends a patronizing text message about working our lives away and accompanied it with a song called “rat race” lol. I agree with you guys wholeheartedly tbh, but unfortunately that’s the reality of the world where we live. My friend took all that time avoiding work and now that he’s out of a job, which he regrets massively and looks back wishing he’d taken it more seriously. A year later and he’s still looking for work, living back with his mom :cry: (As an edit i’m pretty sure he didn’t want all of this to happen even at the time, he just wasn’t thinking straight. Since he’s gotten a lot better hold on his issues regarding depression. Now he can look back with a clear head and realize his mistakes, of course i’ll never profess to understand what exactly he was going through because i’ve always been able to separate my personal life from business. There are some people who just can’t do that and the depression effects all aspects of their lives.)

Once again it’s hard for me to understand the attitude because I do like my job and I make a lot more than the average American. I also don’t have much of a choice because I’ve got two kids :confused: I’m sure I’d be more bitter about it if I was struggling, which hey ya never know what could happen. If I could give a little advice I’d tell you to just take it one day at a time and not think too hard about the future. I honestly think that would take a lot off your shoulders. Find a hobby, make plans to do things with your gf, anything to keep you looking towards getting home from work and making the most of your time off. Also realize you own your own house and you live a better life than a lot of people in the world who would kill to be in your situation, especially people from a third world. To illustrate that, and this might not be true, but to be a part of that 1% you talk about…you only have to have $36,000 cash and you are a 1%'er. Thats how poor the rest of the world is!! You could also be in my friends situation, and trust me you don’t want that. Of course the advice your gf gives you is good as well, if a career change is needed then go for it, it might take some simplifying of your life like selling your house, buying a crappy car etc, but if your gf is supportive then she’ll want whats best for your health.

Hope you feel better my dood, talking about it will help a lot.


Fuck EA indeed.

I think the problem that people like you and I and many others with depression, anxiety etc have is that we are thinkers. And often, we think too much. I see it in myself and my mum and my granddad and pretty much most people I know with depression.

We question the true purpose and meaning of life.

We’re born, we get a job, we earn money for some faceless CEO/shareholders, we take on debt, and then we retire and probably end up stroking out aged 76 and die incontinent in a retirement home.

Great. Is that it? Is the purpose of life to be some CEO or Politicians little capitalist pawn which allows them to live that powerful, 1%-er lifestyle? Fuck that! I have a really hard time accepting that and this existentialist crisis has caused me a lot of grief and anxiety. My worst fear is becoming some middle management sad sack like David Brent working for a paper company in complete mediocrity until Im finally allowed to retire.

I think that’s one of the key things we have to change, which can be difficult. We need to stop taking everything so seriously and stop carrying around all this angst and anger at people we perceive to be more powerful than us. You’re only 30 and I’m only 26, everything is far FAR from over, we can still make a difference, we can still make an impact. It might just be different to the impact we thought we’d have, which is OK. Not everyone is meant to be a CEO, or world leader or hedge fund manager.

My psych told me I need to be less rigid and stop thinking about trying so hard to get a job that will impress people and give me influence and be more willing to do a job that I love and enjoy even if it may not be as impressive or influential, for my own sake.

That was her number 1 bit of advice to me: do something you want to do and enjoy, and then make it work around that.